No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
