i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
