4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
