WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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