Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
