You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
