my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
