the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
