Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
