the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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