The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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