I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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