So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
