I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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