all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Randomize
