I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
