I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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