But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
