my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
