State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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