dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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