She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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