she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
