and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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