yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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