yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize