if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
