I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
