i already hear my dad disowning me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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