life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
