he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
