I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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