no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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