the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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