Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
only if we run a train.
done.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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