there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
