You really coming over, don't trick.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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