so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
