Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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