I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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