Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
