He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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