i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
