We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
