when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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