We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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