Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
