Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
