we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
