and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My balls are so social today.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
