Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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