Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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