I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize