He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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