my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
