I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
