Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
