I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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