If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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