i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
