Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
