I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
