hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Come on in and take your pants off
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