I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize