Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
