I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
