Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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